Sunday, April 13, 2008
Sometimes you have to lean and trust. And sometimes all you can do is wait. All you can do is put your hope and your trust in God. And actually that is what you should do all the time. But sometimes there are times and things that make you realize that really all you have is God.
Right now with our ministry we are waiting on God.
We are trusting in the Lord and we are not leaning on our own understanding.
I began this blog "my journey" back to myself because I need an outlet. I needed to be able to seperate myself form the ministry and "get a life again" so to speak.
And I have come a long way.
I posted the other day just a little about my work with the kids that God has placed in my path. We have struggled for over 4 years to follow God's calling on our heart for this ministry.
And over and over for 4 years we have had support from people and Blessings from God.
And over and over for 4 years we have had people that have walked away and left us when things get rough. As the saying goes.
And over and over for 4 years we have had people that have given up on us and have criticized and condemned.
Right now our ministry. The ministry that God has given us is at a cross roads.
Personally because we have invested so much in it. Our time, our mind, our hearts and financially we are exhausted.
But everyday almost every hour we see the good that comes from this work.
We cannot forget the smiling faces of kids that came to know God through the work of this ministry.
And so we wait. We trust. We cry and we try not to ask questions. And we wish for more help and more support. We pray that people will answer the call and they too will trust and be patient and wait.
We have learned that you cannot trust and depend on people. Because people will let you down. I have been let down. But I promise myself and I promise God and I promise the kids that I won't let them get me down.
On Friday I met with the superintendant of the halfway house that we work with. He mentioned his concern that the issues going on with a couple of the girls would were me down. And I answered him saying. "It is not the kids that wear me down. It is not thier plight. It is the misunderstanding of the system. It is the misunderstanding of people that don't want to get involved too deep or not at all. It is the misunderstanding and judgement of people. Not only judgement of the kids but judgement of me and every move I make. Every decision I make is judged." That is what gets me down.
God is close to the broken hearted. People will let you down. People will hurt you. Circumstances will hurt you. Even though you pray and try to listen for God's answer sometimes it is so hard to know what he is telling you to do. And when you think you are following him and then bad things happen and people decide to criticize and condemn it causes you to give up and give in.
But we can't do that. I can't do that. I do not know what is going to happen.
I do know that I have a girl that is 18 years old that calls me two or three times a day. She left the halfway house telling the superintendent that she didn't cook and she would live on fast food. Today she is cooking. She is enjoying reading the cookbook that I gave to her and she plans meals. Meals that she eats alone. She eats alone because she knows that she is not ready to make good decisions yet about friends and the right people to trust.
Today I pray that God sends his angels to protect her because I know that his protection is the only thing that she can depend on.
Today I trust. I wait. I and I lean on God and the Psalms of David because all I can do is ask for strength. Because the only hope I have is in him.