Sunday, August 24, 2008

How I know . . .

Sometimes I just try and close my eyes and ask God to reach out and touch me.
Reach out to me and let me know that he is there and that he does hear my cries for help. Those times when I am so lost, broken or hurt that I don't know how to put into words all the pain. That is when the scripture says that the Holy Spirit steps in and is able to go to the father for me and let him know the groaning of my heart.

A couple of years ago I was in actually that spot. The place when I was so hurt, sad and broken that nothing seemed to help.

I caution you when you read this I don't know where you stand with God. I don't know how you perceive his love or how he shows his love to you. I don't know how you perceive coincidence.

I do know that I believe in God. I believe in his word. I believe that he loves me and that he will show me if I only look. I believe that he can and use people and circumstances.

It was through circumstances that he showed me that he is with me and that he will nor forsake me. If I was really scholarly I would be able to put a verse with each point I make. I know the verses. They are in my head. I know bits and pieces but not enough to remember right now to share with you. I am ashamed at that.

But I know that I can share with you a testimony. A testimony of how God showed me he loved me and taught me that I should have patience. When I feel like the whole world is against me. He is there.

He showed me a little over two years ago. It all started one Sat. evening. I happened to be up late couldn't sleep. (this doesn't happen often) I was flipping channels looking for a girly movie. You know one of those flicks that you can watch that just take up a couple of hours of time and just give you the opportunity to just kick back and not think.
Well that night there was nothing on. I kept flipping channels and happened on to the local access channel.

The local dog pound happened to be posting photo's of animals that needed to be adopted. I was not shopping for a dog. In fact my Cowboy had already mentioned that he did not want any more animals. At the time we had 3 horses,2 donkeys, 2 cats and 3rabbits. We had recently within the last year and half put down the two dogs that we raised from puppies.
None of this entered my mind as I just sat and watched all the kittens and puppies that needed a home. Then I saw Daisy. There was a rolling blinkie on her photo that said "urgent". She had been there for 45 days. They normally only keep dogs for 30 days. I looked at her sweet face and my first thought was I need this dog.
My second thought was. I cannot have this dog.
On Sunday we went to church and had a normal day. On Monday we had a normal day. I went through regular routine of working in our ministry.

I went through the normal routine for the time of battling a depression that was killing me. You see just over 2 years ago someone that was really,really important in my life pulled away from me. Because of circumstances beyond my control my dear sweet daughter and my wonderful son in love isolated themselves from me and Cowboy.
I was lost. I was depressed. I cried. I prayed. I prayed and I cried. I hoped.
I asked for help from friends and other family members. They all either ignored my requests for help or just flat didn't know how to help.

I went through the motions everyday of going to the mission and ministering to kids and families. I went through the motions of going to church. I prayed. I was in the word. I was doing God's will.

How could this happen? But it did happen and I was sick and tired and lonely.

I was involved in a Bible study at our church.

On Monday I kept thinking about Daisy. I emailed the city pound and asked if she was still available. She was. I prayed about her.

And on Tuesday morning I threw caution to the wind and I stopped by the pound on my way to Bible study. I saw her. I told the officer that I would think about her and might consider her. But I did ask one important ? does she get along with cats.
They were not sure. I said o.k. and left.

I went to Bible study and couldn't keep my mind on the lesson. At the end when our little group of 8 ladies began to pray. I finally broke down and told all of them what was going on with me. The amazing thing is that during the 5 weeks prior I had been the stable person of the group. I led the prayer. I prayed for everyone. I never mentioned to them how hurt I was. That day I let it all out. They all cried with me and prayed for me.

I left. I went to the pound and I picked up Daisy.

I took her home and walked in the door to find Cowboy sitting at the computer in the office. He immediately said. "What is that?" I answered and said. "My dog." I don't normally do things like this so he was totally shocked. He said. "Take it back." I said. "No." He said. "I said I don't want more dogs." I said. "I never agreed. And I am keeping her."

At this point I am sitting in a wing back chair in our office, Daisy is sitting in the floor at my feet and I lean over I put my face in her face and my arms around her neck and I begin to bawl my eyes out.

Cowboy begins to relent and says. "What are you going to do with her when you go to the mission?" I said. "I will take her with me." And I did.
Here is a photo of Daisy at the mission.
My Cowboy said to me. "I was studying and preparing for today's devotional and for some reason I kept reading in Isaiah a verse that says 'God hates divorce'. I couldn't figure out why I kept going to that verse. But I guess you can keep the dog."
Here is a photo of Daisy and Cowboy.

Today Cowboy breaks all my rules. Like no dog in the bed. No feeding people food to dogs. When I say no she doesn't need to "go". He convinces me she should "go".

Today I know that God brought Daisy into my life to show me that he loves me. He brought Daisy to me when I needed to be held and loved I needed to feel his presence.

Today all is back to normal with our family. Today we trust in the Lord. There are still things that we don't understand but we lean and trust in God.
And we enjoy our family and we love our dog because she shows us everyday that God is with us and he answers our prayers.

Sometimes I feel like everyone is against me. Sometimes I struggle with faith but I know that God has everything in control. Sometimes it is not easy. Sometimes it is really hard. But I realize that I am not promised it will be easy. I am promised though that my God loves me.

I know I am not alone.

I hope you enjoy this song. I hope that you feel God loving you. And if your ever at a time when you feel unloved or hurt remember that God does love you and that you can trust him no matter what you think. Don't lean on what you understand just open your heart and lean on him.

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