You see most of the time I am angry. Most of the time I am annoyed. Most of the time I am not this . . .
- I am really good at finding fault.
- I am really good at expecting too much
- I am really good at critizing
- I am really, really good at 'I want'
But I realize that at least in my head. Not so much in my heart. That God expects me to be forgiving.
Even when he happens to be feeling bad (he struggles with extreme pain in his knees) and he doesn't say he's feeling bad and he gets in a bad mood and yells at me over something insignificant.
Or he happens to be a little snippy and make a comment to me that isn't so nice.
Or like the other day when he came home about an hour before I expected him and I was in the middle of laundry. And I was moving stuff around in my sewing room area (in our bedroom) and I was putting up in a closet some fabric and books to make room to put the dirty clothes hamper in a more out of the way place.
And I had a stack of books and papers in the middle of the bedroom floor that I was sorting to throw away or put in the closet. And I had the computer on the floor because I was also writing a post between laundry loads. One thing I do well at least I think so is multi task. And, besides all this chaos in the middle of the bedroom floor is a really, really big dog and her dog bed.
Which left actually no room to walk if you have good knees. But imagine having bad knees.
But in my defense all he had to do was say something like "Um honey I realize I came in an hour earlier than you expected. But I would really like to get to my closet without stepping over the dog, and piles of fabric. And piles of books and papers and ...." But did he say something nice like that No. Of course not because he can be a ______ . Well we won't go there but I am sure you have an idea of what I was thinking.
He yelled at me. And then when I yelled back he actually pointed his finger at me. Which really, really, really made me mad. And I was mad the rest of the day. He left to go to work. And I was still mad when he came home. The next day I was still mad.
Even after praying for over an hour while he was at work. Even after God tried to work on my heart and my spirit. I was still mad.
And then something happened. God's grace. God's patience. And God's loving kindness broke through all the anger. And I . . .
I saw a woman that needs to be loving and kind even when I don't feel like it. Because God said to.
And I pray that God will keep being patient with me and teach me to be loving and kind even when I don't feel like it.
On the Journey to kindness,
Today I am linking with e-mom at Marriage Monday.
Because someone near and dear to me had a rough week last week.
And, I want you to know that even though we try to pretend all is well with the world.
And that well all try to pretend that we are almost perfect. And that our marriages are perfect.
Well we're not. We're human. We're Real
I pray that you are encouraged not by my actions but by my heart.
If you have any encouragement from being united in Christ, if any comfort from His love if any
fellowship witht he Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by
being like-minded, havingthe same love, being on in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of
selfish ambition or cain conceit but in humility consider others better than yourselves.
Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.
Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus.
I am thankful God hears my cry for forgiveness. I am God gives grace.
I am glad that my Cowboy gives grace.
Thankfully on a grace filled Journey . . .