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I wrote this post earlier today. My heart was heavy as I wrote. There were thoughts, feelings and emotions that I wanted to get out. But I also wanted to share with you and encourage you through all these emotions.
I am not a great writer. Sometimes I tend to write from my heart. In my head and in my heart I want to help you, encourage you. Sometimes I feel I fall short.
And maybe I did with this post. As I clicked on the publish button I wondered if this post was more about my need to let the pain out.
In the back of my mind I was hoping that someone that reads this might be encouraged. I was hoping that the words I managed to put together would help someone.
It wasn't until I began reading email just a few minutes ago that someone elses words were the exact words I was trying to express with this post.
And so, I have changed the title and in bold I add a few more words that I hope will strenthen your faith and encourage you.
My daughter is the sunshine of my life. There are days that I miss her more than ever. There are days that she frustrates me. There are days she hurts my feelings. There are times that she is really selfish.
I am always proud of her some days more proud than other days . . .
I am proud that she is such a good mom . . . Even though her dreams of being in a happy, fulfulling marriage. Even though her dreams of marrying a man that loved God as she loves God were broken she is still . . .
I am proud that the is such a good single mom . . .
Her dreams of her son having a daddy were broken . . .
I was proud of her when we drove past this ice skating rink and she asked her 3 1/2 year old son. "Do you want to go ice skating?" Of course his answer was "Yes". Although he was a little clueless.
Her dad and I tried to talk her out of it because it was so cold outside. Her response was "He wouldn't have let us. We are going ice skating. I'll buy you hot chocolate.
We went ice skating. We smiled. We almost froze but we smiled and took pics. I was proud of her.
I was proud of her that she took responsibility to take care of her brothers horse when we were no longer able to. We were all Blessed that God opened the door for him to live at a Children's Home where our daughter worked. When her job ended she took the responsibility even though she could barely afford to bring him home and take care of him.
This is one of the photo's she gave us for Christmas. I added the scripture and used it for a Wordfilled Wednesday post.
She dreamed of her son riding 'her horse' Buck. That dream was broken. But there was still a chance because Pal her brothers horse in 'some' ways took Bucks place. At least for her son Zane.
This morning she started a new job. This morning she needed encouragement as she prepared to go to work and prepared to take our grandson to preschool. I texted her and wished for her a good day.
A day better than she had yesterday. Her dream of her son being able to grow up with Pal was broken. I didn't mention yesterday. I wanted her to focus on the future and focus on having a good day. She texted me a couple of hours later (probably when she had stopped for lunch) "Work is fine. I am devastated. 20 years gone in the blink of an eye." She was devested because that dream was broken.
I read the text while I was at work. Thankfully it was almost the end of the day and I was about to leave. I cried. I cried for her. I cried for all of us. I cried "Pal". He was a part of our family.
Yesterday he was fatally hurt in an accident. We really don't know what happened or what caused it; but he some how got caught up in a fence. He severed his rear legs just above his hoofs. The cuts were very deep and hit an artery he was loosing so much blood that we were not able to save him.
Our dear sweet daughter and our grandson were home alone when this happened. She was able to get a sitter to come and stay in the house with our grandson while she waited for the vet. When she called her dad she couldn't even hardly get the words out. She was only able to ask him for us to come. "Please come now dad it's bad. It's Pal."
It was bad. We were prepared; she'd given us a heads up. I felt so sorry for her that she was alone at least till the vet arrived. We prayed but we knew that we were praying more for us than him. We knew he was gone.
I was heart broken when I watched her cutting his mane and braiding small sections together to give to her students. There are a dozen or so kids that will miss him too. She made braids for me and her brother too. To watch her sitting and cutting and braiding as he lay there was awful. Her dreams were broken. She dreamed of her son riding Pal. She dreamed of him showing Pal this fall at The Paint Horse Show.
But what I think is even worse is knowing that even today she is still feeling so sad. So devastated. On a day that she should be so happy to be starting a new job. The sadness over shadows the good things. I just thought she was feeling sad. I just thought that she was just missing Pal. What I didn't realize until I read another bloggers post was that she was so devistated because her dream was broken. She is sad today. And probably tomorrow and for many more days she will be sad. Even though she has faith in God. Even though she knows she has many things to be happy about. Even though she has her son to concentrate on. I know that it will be really hard for her. She tried so hard to make extra money to pay for him. To give him a good life. She was so proud of him because he was such a good lesson horse for her students. And he was so sweet with our grandson when he rode.
He was a great horse. He was part of our family. We have lost a loved one. Will you please say a prayer for Jennifer and our grandson Zane. It is about loosing him. But it is also about loosing a dream. A dream that she has had since she was a young girl. The dream that one day her children would be able to have a horse to love like she did.
This is a another favorite photo. This is one of the last before we gave Pal to the children's home. I was in my kitchen and looked out the window and saw him standing there. It had rained just a little. Just enough for him to get a little wet so he laid down in the dirt and rolled. He was covered in dirt. This verse immediately came to mind.
Sir Knot aka "Pal"
1990-2012
This post is about Jennifer and about Pal. But it is also about you. It is also about whatever it is that is hurting you. Whatever dream you have lost.
Below is part of a great post written by another blogger. Without realizing it she wrote what I wanted to write. I hope that you are moved not only by her words but by the words written here. I hope that if you needed encouragement that the words that follow will help you and give you peace.
My daughters heart was broken when she realized that she would have to seperate from her husband and that she would ultimately file for divorce and fight for sole custody. My daughters dream was broken because she did not want to fail 'her' God. My daughter was devestated. My daughter was heart broken. But, she realized that God was giving her an amazing testimony.
The pain she has suffered, the brokeness is replaced by God's unfailing love. And, it is her hearts desire to help someone else through their pain. It is her hearts desire to use her pain and brokeness to help someone else through her testimony.
When a dream dies or when a heart is broken it is not uncommon to go through a form of grief not unlike the loss of a loved one.
Girl, if you are there today I want to encourage you. You are not alone! The pain you are feeling is not uncommon. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about or to feel guilt over.
If you’re suffering from the death of a dream or the loss of a relationship I’d like to share with you 4 tips for coping with this type of loss:
1.) Speak Truth to Yourself
Feelings are real but they aren’t always true. Focus on what you know is truth in the situation and dig down deep into the ultimate source of truth, God’s Word.
2.) Don’t Weather the Storm Alone
Don’t keep your pain locked up inside. Find a strong girl friend or mentor who you can share your heart with as someone who you can trust to encourage you and remind you of the Truth.
3.) Choose Joy & Hope
Though we can’t always control our emotions we can control our response to the emotions. Choosing to respond with joy doesn’t mean we always feel happy inside but rather that we do not allow our heart to grow bitter, instead we set our hope on the Sure Foundation that will not move.
4.) Don’t Waste Your Pain
There is a purpose for even the greatest of pain. Look for the good that came out of your hurt. Allow yourself to learn from the pain and take each lesson to heart and use it as a growth point not a growth stopper.
Written by: Ashley
Ashley is a stay-at-home daughter preparing for her future dream of being a wife and mother. She blogs at www.stayathomedaughter.com where she shares her passion for Christ, Biblical femininity and preparation for the future. She enjoys ministering in song, being a wedding cake decorator, long time babysitter, and new author of “Keeping House…While Keeping Sane”.
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My daughters heart was broken when she realized that she would have to seperate from her husband and that she would ultimately file for divorce and fight for sole custody. My daughters dream was broken because she did not want to fail 'her' God. My daughter was devestated. My daughter was heart broken. But, she realized that God was giving her an amazing testimony.
The pain she has suffered, the brokeness is replaced by God's unfailing love. And, it is her hearts desire to help someone else through their pain. It is her hearts desire to use her pain and brokeness to help someone else through her testimony.
Thanking God for The Journey . . .
