Wednesday, August 18, 2010

What Does Love Look Like ?

What does LOVE look like in your home?
JoAnne over at One So Blessed asks What does love look like in your home? I have been joining for a couple of weeks and focusing my posts on how Cowboy shows me love.
But today my mind goes to a different path. A path that I believe God is leading me on and urging me to think about and share here. He has been putting little thoughts in my mind.
First it was through Wednesday's with Wanda the weekly subject at Tracy's. Then it was through incidents and happenings. Comments and gestures that have been made.
Then this morning as I went over to Joanne's these words on her banner struck me. Blessed is she who believed. Luke 1:45.
Today I want to share How my mother shows love and to who. My mother who I call 'mother' notice that I didn't say 'mom' or 'mommy'. My mother doesn't show love or affection through physical touch or embrace.
I don't know where I got it. I am a physical huggy person. I have to really be careful at the boys prison unit because we are not allowed physical contact. (That is another story that I will have to share sometime) If I meet you I will probably hug you. When I say goodbye to you I will probably hug you. Now don't get me wrong in a business setting I don't hug people but you know what I mean. And as I said before I don't know where it comes from. Not from my mother.
On Sunday we went by her house after church. When we were leaving she hugged me. Of course I hugged her back but it was a little tense. Well not really tense it just felt strange because it is something that doesn't happen often. I was shocked. My mother is 84 fixin' to be 85 and she
will sure tell you that too. Anyway I was shocked and surprised when she hugged me.
I wonder now as I think about it what prompted her.
I have talked to Cowboy many times about how she shows love. Especially over the last few months when things have been so bad financially for us. I have agonized over this. I don't think I have ever needed help more than I do now. Not only financially but encouragement, support and love.
My mother has been there for us. But only in certain specific ways. She will share food with us. She has helped us pay for the storage building rent. She gave us the first weeks stay at the motel when we lost our house. We have washed clothes at her house. She has given us gas money a few times.
My mother is very systematic in her giving. She only gives to certain causes or needs.
My electricity can be close to being cut off and I have to find help somewhere else.
But my mother will pay for a storage building for years. This doesn't make sense to me.
But what makes sense and what I am realizing is my mother loves 'things'. My mother can't stand to see anything lost or given away. My mother would die to know that some of the things I received as wedding presents were long ago given away or sold in a garage sale.
Now there are times that my mother will give 'things' to me. For instance she had 6 or 7 sets of kings size sheets. She doesn't have a king size bed anymore. She gave me a set for my bed when mine was worn out. Then she bought me a new set for Christmas. Did you catch that she still has 6 or so sets in her linen closet. And, btw some are vintage and I know people that would love to get thier hands on them!
A couple of years ago when the sheet incident first happened our church was having a rummage sale. I tried to get her to donate some things. She really wasn't too interested. Then this year I was pleased when we were having a rummage sale for 'our ministry' she called and said she had some stuff to donate. When I went over I found two fairly large boxs. As she was proudly taking each item out and showing it to me I began to realize that I had never seen any of these items before. I asked her where they came from and she said she had been collecting them for the sale from the community room at her apartment. Now don't get excited here she wasn't stealing them. At least I don't think she was. She said there is a table in the community room where people leave things they don't want anymore. So that is where she was getting the things.
My mother was willing to give to 'our ministry'. My mother was willing to collect things. But not to give her 'things'. My mother was willing to collect things for "our ministry" but not another ministry or church.
This is the way that my mother shows love. My mother is willing to show us love in specific ways. She always buys a gift 'she' wants you to have for a birthday or Christmas. And you receive your gift if you go and visit her on your birthday or within a few days. She will send a card. But if you don't acknowledge the card you might not get another one. My mother shows love for those close to her by buying and providing.
I am wondering what you are thinking as you read this. I am wondering if you are thinking that I am not very understanding or loving toward my own mother.
And, actually I don't blame you for thinking these thoughts.
But I want to share with you why I have shared so much detail and why it seems important for me to do that.
It is because I do love my mother. I do care about what happens to her. And I do care about whether or not I will spend eternity with her.
You see, I don't really see Christ in my mother. I don't really see the actions he mandates carried out. I am not being judgemental or harsh. I am finally being honest with myself and with God.
I am finally asking my God do you know my mother? I know you want to. I know I want you to.
And so how does love look in my house today? Love is yearning. Love is needing. And love is searching. Love is asking how do I share my God's love?
Today I pray my mother is Blessed because she believes.
Today I pray that your mother is Blessed because she believes.
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