Thursday, August 12, 2010

In The Dark

As happy and thankful as I am my Thankful post is here. I am sad and depressed. I am bored. I am anxious to do something.

God finally gave me peace about getting a job. For weeks as we talked about the fact that we were going to have to find jobs I struggled with it. There were many reasons for my struggles. #1 I had a hard time because I knew that it would be a struggle to work and manage the ministry and manage the house and home. My Cowboy is not a detail person. He is not real helpful around the house. Sometimes like when he decides we need to vacuum. He'll search for the vacuum do one or maybe two rooms and then stop and leave the vacuum out. So I struggled with realizing that I would have a lot on my plate if I were to go to work. #2 The other reason I struggled was having to schedule work and ministry. I have already had to stop doing the drama team at the boys facility because of Cowboy's job. (we only have one vehicle our truck is in the shop until we can pay for it) This really makes me sad. Every time I go there even if it is for a meeting the boys ask about drama team.
#3. I know the kind of job that I want. I know the kind of job I would be good at. But, I don't have the college background. And, when your past 50 it is really hard to get a job. I keep getting more and more depressed as I see postings for jobs that I would be so good at. I keep sending my resume. I keep praying but. Nothing happens. No phone calls. No emails. Of the 2 dozen postings I have answered I have gotten not one response. Not even so much as a 'thanks but no thanks' email.

So it leaves me frustrated. I am left feeling confused. I am left feeling sad. I am left feeling that I should write something positive. But I don't have any positive words. I don't have any encouraging words.

But I am left wondering if your in a position where you have the words that are encouraging. Maybe today you have a word that will help me. Maybe God has spoken to you recently about waiting on Him. Or He has shown you His plan in a certain situation.

Maybe today we just need to rest in His arms and just wait for the darkness to be turned to light.
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