Tuesday, November 8, 2011
I was asked . . . so here it is . . .
I have been really, really struggling in a couple of areas. There have been days that I have not even been able to put into words what I need again. And so I have cried and I have prayed that the Holy Spirit would know my heart, my fears and my need.
#1 Please pray for our daughter. Long story short she has been in a emotionally abusive relationship for 5 years (married). She is now safely living with some friends of our family and she has filed for divorce.
But she has it in her head that they can 'agree' on visitation without going to court.
Even after her attorney has recommended not to allow visits till the court tells her she has to. She is meeting her husband at the park alone when no one is available. And, this Friday she is allowing the 3 year old to spend the night at his dad's. It took 3 years for her to leave. I am so afraid that he will weasel his way back in. I am so afraid that he will threaten her and she will go back. I am scared.
There were many days that all I could do was pray that God's will be done and just allow him to be in control.
#2 My other prayer request is ridiculous and so minor compared to my daughter and grandsons safety that I hate to bring it up but it really, really is hard for me. We struggle financially.
It's funny when I write this I have to smile because I think of the prayers that God has answered and then I am even feeling more stupid to even voice this. I prayed about a year ago that God would provide. I prayed for a place to live. I told Cowboy and I prayed that God would provide enough so we could pay rent and utlities. So I/we wouldn't have to worry about either one. God answered my prayer. Cowboy has a job and rent and utilities are paid every month. Sometimes with extensions but we haven't had the lights turned off! (In 2010 we were homeless for 2 months)
Here's the part I think is kind of funny. And the part I struggle with.
. . .
I didn't ask him to provide for anything more. I didn't ask for money for food. Money for gas. Money to feed the dog and cat. Money for the vet. Money for extras like the internet.
A few weeks ago a neighbor knocked on the door and asked to borrow 2 eggs. I had one egg. I gave it to him closed the door.
I knew when I gave him that egg it would be exactly 11 days till we could buy food again.
Don't get me wrong. We have food. We have learned how much money we have and we have learned to shop as wisely as possible.
We have learned that lots of things are alot cheaper at Dollar General or Dollar Tree. I have never been one to feed the dog table scraps but now she gets green beans and chicken to stretch the dog food. And, long grain rice is cheap and stretches it too. And, I have learned to make perfect rice. (I used to buy minute rice because that is what my mother did.)
But here is my struggle cheap is not healthy. Cheap is potatoes and bread to fill you up. I cannot tell you the last time we bought fresh produce or fruit.
I struggle. I have learned to be satisfied with a lot and I have learned to be satisfied with little.
But, I miss my blog. I miss the internet. Right now I am at the library. I miss getting up in the middle of the night and writing. I miss my friends. I can read your posts on my phone. I have learned to write posts ahead and then publish from my phone. But I haven't figured out how to link or even if you can from the phone. So, I miss Wordfilled Wednesday, Blue Monday, Thankful Thursday,Then Sings My Soul Saturday, Scripture on Sunday.
And, because I don't post regularly lots of my followers have quite coming around. I don't blame you.
I miss you.
I need your prayer.