Character Guest Post and Giveaway Murder Most Pemberly

June 28 – My Journey Back the Journey Back – CHARACTER GUEST 

 Enter the Giveaway below . . . 

Great Aunt Iris Darcy’s Post

 

If Jimmy Buffet is correct and “wrinkles will only go where the smiles have been,” I wonder how many margaritas that man had in Margaritaville. Well, it is common knowledge that most Americans have lost the plot, and after counting the wrinkles crinkling every inch of my body, I’m positive Mr. Buffet is the daftest of them all. Who would have thought that my thighs and…other areas…smiled? They must have gone knees up when I wasn’t looking. What a load of tosh!

 

Well, enough faffing about. My great niece, Eliza Darcy, will be here soon, and I can’t wait to meet the only child of my nephew, Andrew Darcy. Sadly, I’ve never met my great-niece, due to a kerfuffle between Andrew and his brother, Fitzwilliam…over a woman, of course, and I still don’t see what Fitzwilliam sees in his wife, Nancy, but horses for courses, I guess. Besides, they all assume I’m deaf and ancient even in donkey’s years, so they don’t ask for my opinion. I once overhead Nancy accuse me of being gobby, but that won’t stop me from giving them advice.

 

Speaking of advice, I must make it my mission to guide my American great-niece through the tricky differences between American and English culture. I wouldn’t want her looking like a right daft cow. I’ll have to break her in slowly, and if she follows my advice and pays attention to her p’s and q’s, everything will turn out tickety-boo.

1.)    “Pants” refer to underwear, and “trousers” are pants. If Eliza asks British people about their pants…well, let’s just say they will think her a numpty.

2.)    She will need to practice eating with her fork in her left hand.

3.)    If Eliza’s invited for a walk, she’ll need to put on her hiking shoes and pack an afternoon snack.

4.)    I hope she’s not a lightweight as going for one pint at the pub isn’t a thing young people do nowadays. They tend to go for several rounds until everyone is sloshed.

5.)    There’s a reason weather makes for great conversation: It is truly horrific.

6.)    I do hope Eliza knows how to drive a manual vehicle.

7.)    She better like tea.

8.)    I’ll have to tame the American habit of making small talk with strangers out of her. If she tries that with an English person, they’ll be gobsmacked!

9.)    If she orders fries at a restaurant, she’ll starve. Fries are “chips.” Chips are “crisps.”

10.)           I do hope that my Midwestern great-niece isn’t too attached to Hidden Valley Ranch as that has yet to make its way across the pond.

 

All in all, I think she can manage the first ten lessons. Besides, if Eliza can survive her Aunt Nancy, then the differences—small and large—between England and America are nothing.

Well, I hear Joy Bingley’s Range Rover roaring up the drive. I must go and meet my great-niece I’ve waited twenty-six years to meet.

 

Pip pip,

 

Iris Darcy

  

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